Sunday, June 30, 2013

Pre-baby Dreams

Mr Lova Lova and I pre-everything (dating) days

I don't know why I've even thought about this 3 years later....pre-baby, pre-marriage dreams.

I was a thriving band/nature photographer...nature, weird...a bit, but it was relaxation. Bands...I was doing awesome. Had a lot of my pictures in albums and memorials. I was awesome from Illinois thru Minnesota. (at 20! I was expanding!)

I moved to Illinois to be closer to my friend's record label that would send me out and travel with bands. How awesome would that shit be!? Travel the U.S. and do what I love?! Fuck yea!

Side note: I also moved to IL cause I fell in love with a band dude....that became my husband and gave me a beautiful baby.

That was my dream. Traveling the U.S. and doing what I love, photography. Hell, at 18, I was hoping to be a cross country trucker to do just that! Minus bands. High class right here.

Not my best stuff, but it's what I got on the comp.

Ever think of the things you would "like" to do before marriage and kids?? Do you look back and say "oh fuck me" (thank you Gordon Ramsey for putting that into my lingo) Or do you just accept the happiness and do what I photography.

Gunnar's First Christmas Photo Shoot

Don't get me wrong. I love my life. Every aspect. I'm just thinking about it, cause now, of the job I have, I miss being "me". The crazy colored hair punk rock girl...or just being out of the ordinary.

 Yup....this is me, giving you an insight. My loves. Every aspect. Loves. Good oles days and good ole present days. At 29, that life seems like an eternity ago. I love everything that's around me. Now it's just get outta this "artist block" and get back at it! Oh fyi, I lost a bet and that's the reason I had to change my hair to normal unfortunately stuck around ever since.


Thursday, June 27, 2013

A story about...Swamp Ass (a lot of ass up in here!)

My Swamp Ass experience started 2 years ago in a company that stated that ac in the trucks was a "luxury." Assholes.

Great. Soooo that's where I've been introduced of the awesome word and able to experience it first hand.

Alright so here we go. The funny part. Research:


A common condition in which the ass crack and crotch becomes overly moist, sweaty, and stinky from one or all of the following:
- sweating on a hot day
- not bathing enough
- long day of work, sports, play
- incomplete wipe due to rush or laziness

The crack will often feel squishy, wet, unpleasant, and itchy. It is recommended to take a bath with soap to sanitize the condition.
An unfortunate condition in which the taint (the often hair-bespeckled, flrshy space between balls and ass) is wallowing in the depths of a vile, festering, putrid poo swamp. A generally uncomfortable, unwipable ass. The only cure is gold bond.
Example: Jesus Christ, I hope Janice doesn't notice the permeating stench of my swamp ass while she's sucking on my balls!
(Sorry had to show number 2...cause really?? I'm still laughing about the horridness!)
when your ass gets so sweaty, there is so much sweat it gets a little soapy, and your ass is drenched in sweat and your ass cheeks might even be pruned
Example: you could be sitting at a baseball game, just chillin with your friends, its a little humid you notice, suddenly you have to go to the bathroom, you stand up and your friends, family, girlfriend or boyfriend sees that your ass has two wet spots near the crack, one might say you have swamp ass or just imply that they are scared an alligator from your assmarsh might attack them
So there are a couple that made me laugh. Remember Assmarsh...fuckin genius!
Anyways, supposedly the word comes from gamers. Go figure.
Ok, back to the trucks and our awesome polyster uniforms. Imagine a the oven when youre taking something outta it. Got it? Ok, now imagine NO air circulation. Good...welcome to my hell on wheels.
Uniforms are the same shit. It's like the the shirts are made to keep in the heat and sweat. I'm getting hot and bothered thinking of this. Bothered that I'm writing about work!
The one thing I am happy for is that we wear black pants otherwise we'd be looking like this all the time:

So nasty.
Makes you wanna eat eh!
Ugh, no flies for us!! I can only imagine some of the people I work with.
I have daily summer swamp ass, swamp boob (gotta love that trickle going down), riverleg. Freaking gross. Almost feel bad for the people we deal with.
I asked on my Facebook for people to have other creative names for swamp ass, here's what I got (thank you ladies!!!)
Sluice ass
bog butt or bog boob
sludgy-we've kinda made it grossier and better...with chunks.
landfill crack
sewer ass
Start using them, then we'll reunite and see who made a new trendy word!

Friday, May 17, 2013

Dear Daddy-O

Dear Daddy-O,

 I don't even know how to start this, but here we go.

I miss you.

I miss your bear hugs.

I miss your intelligence.

I miss your being.

Your light has been gone for 7 years. But I can't stop thinking of you. I hope you're with us....with me. Cause I need you the most...ok I lie. My mom and WE need you. Miss you. Love you. Remember the last everything.

I've been thinking more and more of you cause I hear your song "Cool Change."

I named my child after you. I hope you're ecstatic up in heaven. (He definitely has a love for peas and eating one at a time...just like you) I can only imagine how you would be right this moment...

I miss you...a whole fucking lot. I could only imagine how you would swoop Gunnar up in your arms. How excited you would be when we made a playdate.

Daddy-O, I can only dream of you. I hope you know how wonderful you were/are. Cause without you...I wouldn't know where the water from the mountain came from. I wouldn't be the awesomeness I am without you and my mom by my side.

Regardless...I really wish you were still with us. My heart aches thinking how excited you would be for my son. He would be YOUR baby.

I can only hope that you are just proud of me. Yes, I have the strongest mom in the world, but you were the missing link to the soul. You're not my step dad, but the dad that let me choke him out at 7 years old.

I could really use your advice right about now. I could really use you BEING here.

This letter is my "prayer" to you so the whole world can see how amazing, awesome, fantastic, and every verb word I can think of you are.

I can't believe it's been 7 freaking years.

You will forever and ever be in our hearts.

Daddy-O, Mom, Me, And Cousin Ana

Love you, Daddy-O.

Your daughter

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Growing up is for suckers.

We are embarking on a new journey of adulthood....home ownership. Ok, looking.

Someone, I work with reimplanted the idea of having a HOUSE. Whoa. Started looking and found what I thought was THE house. It was beautiful. And cheap too.

Just a slight fyi....I have no idea what happens when it comes to getting a house. I thought just get a loan, get the house, wham bam thank you ma'am.

Ugh, today was reality day of what really goes into getting a place. So sad after hearing all the info and not understanding what the internutter pages were saying to me.

Perfect house+no money= one sad mofo.

So ok, I've researched (If I did this much research in high school instead of my late 20's, I may have been a way better student) and scrolled through a lot of shit. So much info that I literally felt my brain melting.

This is my rant of letting go of what I thought was a perfect house. My tantrum so to speak.

Let me be honest here. I slightly feel like I gave up...but I didn't. I gave up on a house I just found yesterday, got my hopes up for (my own fault) and fell. Fell cause of me. Read the fyi. Learned a lot today of what goes into getting ownership.

New/old goal: GET MONEY! Ha. Save up every lil penny I can find/have.

I will get another dream house...I will achieve this damn goal. I will have a private backyard I can throw GL in so I can sit and sip (who am I kidding, Gulp) a margarita on my porch. I don't think that's too hard to ask...right!!!

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Your kid is NOT a monkey!

The husband and I were talking about the shit people have said to us while in public with our son.

We have had good experiences with shit coming outta people's mouths. Unfortunately there was 2 times that made me want to punch a person in the face.

Experience 1:
Checking out and the cashier is saying hi to Gunnar. I tell him "say hi", (our son is not too shy and is VERY talkative). Damn cashier goes..."don't talk to him like that, he's not a trained monkey".

What!?! Well, excuse you lady for trying to brighten your day. Next time I'll "train" my kid to piss on your register. Seriously, I was just being nice. I could of just told my son to tell her to f off and start yelling STRANGER DANGER!

My husband was dying with laughter and with an oh shit look. He knows me too well and knows I said something. I did. Told her pretty much just that. "oh my bad, apparently my son doesn't like you enough to say hi" (good thing is that she was done checking me out). Ugh, it's getting me worked up just thinking about it.

Experience 2:
Two ladies walking in after us. One goes "OH MY GAWD he's sooo cute! How old is he??" Me: "He's 2"
 Lady: "Oh my gawd, you must have the devil on your hands!!"
 Me: "uhh no, he's actually very good. No trace of terrible twos in his lil body".
 Lady: "Ugh, you don't know what you're talking about."

Oh ok thanks lady. Cause you're with him all the goddamn time right!?

I do hate when older people tell me how to raise my son or how he should be. My kid is a freaking angel according to how they think.

Yea I have a moment when someone just had a baby and I said something stoopid like "oh my gawd, watch out, survive the first year and you're golden. Unfortunately they grow way to fast like weeds." I'm sure that person has heard it a MILLION times, the same way I did, but it's still fun to say it or just remember that time.

I just remembered. Walmart is evil! (minus the obvious facts) I call them drive bys aka some lady walks by and pinches/touches GL and walks away! What the fuck just happened?! It ONLY happens at walmart! Is there a code that you can do that, that I don't know about?? It's so bad that I have no chance for a reaction time. It's one of those "did that really happen?" moments.

So those are my bad moments that I can remember. I'm sure there are lots to come when Gunnar is able to talk clearly. Ohhh man, that should be fun.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Troubles with accepting the current.

Fuck, little man is at the stage that he wants his own real bed. Fuck the crib, mom and dad have a real bed why not me!

Great way to start eh.

Here's how it is. Lil man has been pretending to sleep on our bed. (co-dependent sleeping?? I WISH I knew what that was!) He jumps, he plays, he'll MAYBE lay down a couple seconds to let me cuddle.

I let my boy do the ultimate move that made me cry. (ok just get teary eyed..I think it's cause I got cat hair in my contact) And unfortunately it was my own doing.

Changing tables from the get go seem overrated. I've changed my kid from the floor BUT on the changing pad that's supposed to go on the table.

That pad is still there...who doesn't like their ass getting clean from a cushioned cloud??

Anyways, tonight...he cuddled up like usual (I'm in TOTAL denial about this) on the pad. Ok fine, as my heart breaks and realize whats going on....I put his blanket on him.


What the fuck?! Noooo!!! Where are my "I wuvs you" "mi muchachito lindo" "mi Corazon!" Where's are nightly high 5's that we do. Or the shark theme that makes him giggle!?

My husband started talking about making a bed frame. WHAT?! I need, no it's a want, for my lil boy to stay just that...Little.

Parenting is hard shit to do. Really it is. It's smiles and tears. I'm just not ready to let go of the innocence. I want my boy to be just that...MINE. I want him to still give me a death grip hug, I want him to NEED me.

I'm being a sap. Thank mother nature and hurting my ovaries for this rant. I'm such a sad little asshole cause of pms.

I've been staring at my son and thinking..."goddamnit, you're getting big" and how can I stop evolution.

There's no solution. Cause this is a lil human that will evolve and be the greatest thing I have ever made.

Thank you for reading my look at your child/children and hope karma ain't a bitch!

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

The Curse of the Swear Jar

We are people that swear...a lot. Now having a lil one, we have to watch what we say. Otherwise godforbid the repeater game comes into play.

First time GL swore was during the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse phase. Donald was being naughty and outta no where I hear:

GL: Shit Donald!

Whaaaat?! What did you just say?!

GL: Shit Donald. Donald bad.

Ok, that was the only time I have laughed out loud over that. Now that he's 2 1/2, it's even worse.

Can't find the car he's looking for:

Shit, shit, shit!

Oh boy.

I swear like a truck driver and the husband isn't too far behind. (let's say sailor) Since realizing GL does listen to us after all, I have started watching what I say. Can you imagine a preschooler getting suspended for telling the teacher to fuck off!? I don't want that to be my kid!

The husband hasn't quite figured out how to censor himself, so I went for the usual idea: Swear Jar.

Our swear jar will only be for pennies. Why, cause those are the easiest to find and we need quarters for the daunting laundry chores. (any other silver goes for GL's future college fund.)

I've been thinking of different ways to make so called swear jar, so the husband doesn't dig in. (Just in case silver does happen to get in there, he's a change thief)

I think a normal glass jar is too easy to tap into.

Possibly better: a cardboard way of getting into it without getting caught. I still think the husband would figure out a way to get into it. Unsuspected.

OR maybe something with glitter cause then we'd REALLY know when someones tampering with it. Yea ok, I've already crossed that off the list. We don't want to look like a family that was in a strippers dressing room.

SOOOOO, I thought about a coffee can and hot gluing the top to it. No way out. Right?! Wrong! In a million years, when the future is digging for 2013 artifacts, they'll come across our coffee jar. Unopened. Probably think we were too stoopid to open it. Maybe we didn't have thumbs.

I know there are some bright people out there with some incredible ideas. Let me pick your brain for the ultimate swear jar! Give me some ideas!

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Wanna know about my flower??

So this is an oversharing post....for me. It may not sound totally "like what the fuck was she thinking!?" kinda thing. As a mom, this is it. (cause I swear my husband hunts me about it)

So, if you're reading this you OBVIOSULY wanna know about my flower....Let's start in the beginning.....

It was a fine day to go get a preggo Oct 27th 2010. Get in and throw my legs up for my awesome gyno. I gotta say it was and will only be the only time I feel comfortable showing another female my vajayjay.

Dr: "oh shit, you're 5 cm!! How have not felt anything yet?!"

Apparently I've been having contractions for a week without really knowing it. High pain tolerance she says. Our due date was Nov 16...bit early you think...nahhh my son wanted to be a Halloween baby!

She tells us to go straight to the hospital. We don't. I was feeling fine. AND my preggo bag wasn't packed yet. Told our families about it, got things packed (which in this instance didn't know what to pack) and headed off to the hospital. Whheeerre, we stopped and got Wendy's cause I was starving.

My mom must of knew. She's 2 hours away and HER preggo bag was already sitting pretty in her car.

So we're gonna fast forward a little bit, cause pretty much it was a lot of waiting. Noon till 8pm just chilling.

Our son pops out at 10:36pm. (Dr didn't show till later on, but whole story short...half hr pushing)

My mom is obviously (being a new Lita) over joyed at this point. She was there when everything went down.

Now onto my flower....

With my mom being there, she told the family (BIG family in central America) about how she was there and how beautiful mother nature is.

To the point she started calling my "birth channel" a freaking flower!!

She unfortunately told me how awesome it was to be seeing my hooha and how it was like a flower, fast motion camera, blooming.

Yuck...I;m getting chills just thinking about it.

This new Lita went as far as telling anyone that would listen in the hospital about her daughter's "FLOWER".....I had to yell at her to stop talking to people! And about my so called flower!!

Next step into this adventure...she told my father in law and bro in law about my flower. Whoa. Certain people don't need to know how my "flower" looks like. (hey I forgot to trim a lil! I couldn't see it so that's my excuse)

My mom was telling all that would listen about my flower....It grew soooo big and instead of good ole pollen center, you saw a babies head!

I actually did get upset and tell her to stop telling everyone about my flower.

No one wants to know about that....until now.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Things I wish someone told me about....

Let's start out with...babies! As a person that never was really around babies...until my own came around, there was a lot of crap that people don't talk about.

Let the listing begin!

From birth, no one said anything to me about black shit. Literally.
A lot of birthing no one really told me about. No, I didn't go to any birthing classes or anything like that. Yea, I researched a LOT of stuff, but I must of forgotten step 1. Birth. I was freaking out so bad with the whole idea of just having a baby, that my mom caught a pic of me looking at GL that pretty much captures the uncertainty and nervousness of a new mommy. Awesomest and scariest day of my life.

So, obviously we had a boy. Best rule I learned...peepee goes down when changing diapers. Not as many clothes pissing. Also the mad ninja dodging skills you acquire at this point. So what if he pees and a lil bit goes on his face. Or in his mouth. Or your face. (Just don't blog about it. ha) Worst thing I learned....they get boners. If I've ever had a gross moment, that was it. I had NO idea that shit could even happen at that age! Seriously, put that sucker down sweet 2 month old baby. I definitely wished someone would have told me about that fact, so I didn't have to feel like a lil school girl giggling about something embarassing when trying to ask other moms about it.

The whole head thing was a different story. Wait, so you're telling me there's an open part of his skull?!? DID YOU BREAK MY BABY!!!?? I got calmed down enough to hear the reasoning over this. (Personally, I still think the nurse who was tossing my kid like a rag doll right after he popped out did it.) Then, of course, they tell you about tummy time and such cause you don't want to let him get a misshaped head. The term "helmet" became a plague in this house. It scared us soooo bad, you'd think we were getting sent to the deep depths of hell. Again, to calm ourselves we would joke about how and what kind of stickers we would put on his helmet. We were preparing for the worst.

Punk rock baby helmet...Spikes and stickers! Minus the face shield, of course.

Then comes time for purees. I was so gongho about this adventure, that I still have a couple books collecting dust in the back of the closet...just in case. My obsession at that time was the damn baby was the coolest shit EVER. I got talked outta it so I dragged myself to get regular blender. Rule I learned about don't HAVE to taste the veggies. Blah, some of the colors or mixes I did made me gag. How a kid thinks it's delicious is beyond me. Fruit on the other hand...awesome.

Seriously...Baby Einstein. You've all heard or done the classical music routine when they're in the womb. GL listened to good old punk rock and LOVED it. How I know...he was having his own personal mosh pit in ma belly. When he was born I figured why not, let's pop in one of these bad boys and see what B.E. is all about. Snoooore fest. For me, not GL. How kids get so hyptonized over it is beyond me. I can dangle a windchime, put a couple flashlights on it, and twirl away. Why don't I have millions like them?! OR the sock puppet episode. REALLY!?? Are you kidding me?! I can do that shit (and we currently did, GL thought it was the funniest shit ever. Why am I spending money on toys??)

And to end all this awesomeness, the one thing I wish someone told me....the boobs don't stay!! I had such an awesome time just having boobs...ok cleavage, that I wished they stayed. I actually considered getting implants that's whole cool I thought it was. No padding needed! My jugs felt how Dolly Parton's look. Amazing! Now everything is droopier and constant reminder I'm not young anymore.

Any other "things you wish someone told you" when your baby came into your life?! I'm sure there's billions out there! Come on down and share em!

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Hey let's put our money in this fire!

This was the husband's birthday weekend. I wanted to make it special, so I asked my mom to come down and babysit for a night. This was the plan: dinner, movie, and CASINO. Why not?! Never been to one before and in our lives it seems better to have a plan, since we rarely go out alone. Honestly it felt like high school all over again. Sadie Hawkins dance over here.

My mom is awesome and brought some Waukesha only made ponza rotti's so there was no need for dinner. So onto our next

Oooh the Great and Powerful OZ!
It was actually pretty good. We heard some bad reviews about it but f em. Personally I was entertained. Minus the fact that James Franco just seemed to be the odd element and not in "OZ" kinda way. My husband mentioned that Michelle Williams looks much better with long hair then her usual pixie hair...I only mention this cause it's strange he says that. He likes pixie short hair.

Regardless what people say, I give it a thumbs up.

Onto our next adventure....CASINO!

Holy freaking shit. We walked in without any knowledge of what to expect.
I felt like a kid in a candy store. In the sense of amazement. Like whoa, what to do, where to start!? We stopped a worker there and just asked questions. Ok not me, I'm like a man and don't ask for directions or anything, my husband on the other hand will ask for info.
We wandered around. Found the beer stand (of course). Even THAT was amazing! Regular cups but with magnetics on the bottom of em. They fill the beer from the bottom. AMAZING!
We stopped at the roulette table to watch....whoa. Again my husband asked this old man next to us what the hell was going on. This guy was incredible.
Quotes that we can remember:
"You have to be schizophrenic to play this game"
"Worst odds in the house"
"I've made thousands and lost it all in the next deal"
"If you come with $50 and get it back, put it right back in your pocket cause anything you win wouldn't matter"
May not sound epic, but that guy knew what he was talking about. He seemed schizo himself.
So we walked around for a while, looking and studying what the hell was going on.
Time for a game plan:
My plan: Go to 2 cent machines and have fun.
Husbands plan: get a mojo for either roulette or blackjack table.
My plan went off with a hitch. First freaking time I made $20 outta a buck. Doesn't seem like much, but goddamn I was freaking excited over it. I didn't want to push my luck...yet.
Husband didn't get as much luck getting into a table. He just wasn't feeling it. (This guy has, what I think, the best luck when it comes to feel and mojo) He didn't do much minus watch me be an idiot.
I got obsessed with the machine I much I started stalking it. Two ladies won over $50! If only I stayed. After I finally got on it again, it was a total fail. OBVIOUSLY. They got the big pots out. Unfortunately I'm a sucker and kepted going back. I won again $30 at one point.
So the husband finally gave in and got freaking $50! Yea ok I was a little upset but hey it was good. He got the luck.
Conclusion to this long adventure:
I won over $60, that I ended up being greedy over and lost all. Which is fine. I'm not mad. That's what I expected to spend.
It was the most exciting adventure that we have had in a looooong time. Amazing balls! Don't have the addiction, but will definitely try to go again.
But as long as the birthday boy got some loot, that's all that matters!

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Top 5 reasons we're raising a catboy

Raising a child involves the whole town...well in this house it involves 3 cats. Baby, Stitch, and Skully. Skully being the most "special" of the clan. They have been with GL since he's first days, so it is understandable he has gotten some of their characteristics. Here are the top 5:

1- Laser pointer

Like most cats, these girls go NUTS over the laser. Now that GL is full on mobile, so is he. Pull that sucker out and see who will get it first. Usually GL, for he tramples over the girls. Yes he'll walk/run around staring at it, which is usually the ceiling and usually ends up with him bumping into something. (I do find a little, ok a lot funny outta that one) When GL finally gets the pointer, there's a trail of cats behind him. He definitely has the torture tact down.

2- Playing in water/food bowl

This one is dedicated to Skully who showed him this tactic. Skully since birth has a thing for splashing in the water. Once she flooded my kitchen. Now, that GL has caught on to it, it's become a little pool for his hand. (luckily he hasn't tried to put any other body parts in it) Kinda grosses me out cause I think Skully does that to clean her paws after the shitter.

Now the food bowl is all to the spoiled one, Stitch. This little princess has grown up in a place that her dad would actually take out "special kernels" of food out of the bowl just for her. Now that GL is around, their dad has been trying to wean her outta that and tell her to get her own food. Soooo, she scoops out the kernels she wants with her paws. Hence why GL tries to help her out. Unsuccessful since after the first incident of him trying their damn food, we leap at him like white on rice.

3- Pooping/Peeing

Again Skully to the rescue on this one. She's a long hair which pretty much means she's gonna get shit balls/dingleberries in certain parts of her fur. Bitch does NOT know how to clean herself. GL is still unsuccessfully budding into potty training. So he too ends up with shit all over his ass. He's just like Skully that in the end of the day, it's our problem...not theirs.

4-Finding shit on the floor
(Now that I'm doing this I should of called it the Skully and GL show)

Skully has had a history of eating weird shit. Anything from wall plaster to, well, her sisters puke. Anything on the floor that may have a flavor, i.e. wrappers, bugs, puke, we will know about it from her. GL, being the toddler that he is, finds the smallest piece of whatever on the floor. He'll come up to us, smiling, saying "yucky" about something he found, but the thing he found is so small we have problems identifying what it is. Usually cat hair or pebbles. (I don't know where the little pebbles come from. I try to not think it's from Skully and her bathroom adventures)

Now for the finale:
5- Begs for food/Attitude problem

Putting these two together cause eventually they go hand in hand.
Our oldest girl, Baby, thinks she's human. She demands (begs) for human food, drinks outta cups, and is a straight up a-hole. If she gets mad (attitude problem) at you, you better hope you don't have ANY clothes on the floor. Yea she's quite evil and conniving. She sees you have her favorite food, spicy chicken. I definitely wouldn't want to be you if you don't share with her! GL, on the other hand, begs for food that we both have. Example: eating mac n cheese. He has his own bowl, I have mine. He thinks his bowl must be pure nuclear acid and my bowl must be freaking flowers and unicorns. It's the same shit! Emotional break down on that one.

So there is my top 5 reasons we are raising a catboy. I didn't include all. Here are some that the husband and I came up with: Destroyers of blinds, Scratchers, toy thieves, privacy takers, just to name a few. All in all. If it wasn't for our little princesses, what would GL be?? If it was up to him I'm assuming it'd be a butterfly.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Things That Go Bump In the Night...

There's been some funky shit going on here. And by funky, I mean paranormal happenings.

Yesterday I posted about how I was a little creeped out that my son was yelling "stop it" to someone/something in his room. (Believe me, he has very good knowledge of when/how to use that phrase.)  Now, last night shit got real....

This is the very first text I got from the husband today:

"What a freaky night. Gunnar was talking and thrashing about. I kepted hearing loud ass noises from his room. I'd go check on him, cover him up and he'd be facing one direction. Hear loud ass noises and check on him again and his pillow n him would b flipped but he's out cold. I couldn't freakin sleep I was so weirded out from his room. The hair on my neck was on end and kept getting chills. It sounded like someone was in his room talking then would come through the wall n whisper in my ear. The more I freaked the louder it got. I swear when it was talking I could feel its breath on my left ear. I shit myself."

(yes it was really that long. Now onto the second one)

"Oh yea. I forgot about the TV. After the whisper went from room to ear it went to TV. Didn't matter if it was a game or a movie but something kept coming thru the TV even when I turned down the TV. then when I went to bed there was a owl cooing by the fucking window loud as fuck! Hope it wasn't white! Aliens or demons you decide....."

Of course, it's starting to freak me out, cause once again let's go back to yesterday morning. Oh and forgot to mention the husbands phone making weird sounds as it was rebooting itself. What the hell is going on here!!?

We've had different times that GL will hear, see, or talk to someone/something that's NOT there. I do understand that since his mind is still pure and innocent, he can see things we can't. (very "I see dead people" situation)

Once at my mom's house, he was scared of my dad's chair. (My dad has been gone for 6 years now) Of course I'm not being the most consoling person ever...Just touch it! It's only a freaking chair! Don't be such a baby!...something like that. Then I started understanding a bit what was really going on. (GL has seen that chair before with no problems.) It was my dad's chair. The chair he would sit in for hours playing computer games. It was HIS throne. That room also was he's computer room. Again, a place he would spend countless hours being a DnD dork.

Once my poisoned mind came into realization, I started asking GL questions. Granted at that time he just talked...uhhh jibberish..and obviously didn't know my dad. As we're watching this, I tell GL to say hi to Lito (my mom is Lita). Then my mom sits on the chair like she's sitting on my dad's lap. GL was ok with that. He was at ease that at least Lita knew who it was. It was a very sweet, endearing moment.

SOOOOO, you get where I'm coming from. We are kinda, sort of used to the weird shit happening. I gotta say last night at the witching hour it was more real then it has ever been.

For me, gotta say that would explain the messed up dreams I was having. Ever get, what I call "mommy nightmares", those dreams that something horrific happens to your child? Yea, those that give you the most intense fear known to man.

Also, my alarm didn't go's always on and never gets turned off. (it's a cell alarm) The husband had to get me up. He said it didn't go off either. (obviously he was still up freaking out)

I don't know. I sure as f don't like having an unwelcomed visitor messing with us. We'll see what tonight has in store.....

Tell me your child's scary night shenanigans........

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Working Mom

I've been reading articles about Marissa Mayer, CEO of Yahoo!. About how having a baby is fun and easy and work is just the same. I see how people are very antiMarissa. She's able to build her own nursery, bring her child into work, yet tell everyone that you can no longer do your work at home while they take care of they're children.

Here's one comment I found that was particularly cruel:

"Sounds like she doesn’t think of being a mother as the biggest honor and hardest job because she’s not committed to it. She’s more committed to her work. What a shame for the baby. She probably has many people or at least a full-time Nanny raising her son. She sounds completely disconnected to her child and doesn’t understand the important role of a mother. I feel very sorry for her son and extremely sorry for anyone who tries to work for her. This is not a family friendly environment. She doesn’t get it. People like her should not be parents and should not have the power to make decisions like this for so many other families and women. She’s bad news and not mother material."

The person that posted this seems to have a little better then thou, I'm better mommy then you attitude. Just stoopid.

Being a working mom is hard. Its sucks. I've been working since GL was 1 month. Why, cause that's all the time my job at the time would give me. Yea I had to pump in a bathroom, yea I had to unfortunately be away from my baby. It was a brutal heart wrenching moment. Hardest thing I have EVER done. In this world to survive and keep a baby alive is to work. To make money for the endless diapers, wipes, formula, clothes and everything else you need to work.

For my husband and I, it just seems to work out. I work 1st shift and when I get home, he goes to work. I'm so thankful for that and not have to worry about daycare or babysitters.

Yet, I've always been envious of my husband cause he can stay home with our son. He gets all the good and bad moments. In the same sentence I have the highest respect for my husband for going through all the insane, mind bending moments of a new parent. Don't get me wrong, I was right there with him when I got home. I still had to breastfeed, make purees and have a functional relationship with my husband. We've gone through some hard times that it felt like we were roommates more then anything. Thankfully we got over that.

Now with the job I have now, it's even harder. My job is as I say "professional gunslinger." I'm out on the streets on a route doing what we do. If anything happens to my family, I'm pretty much f'd. I can't just drop what I'm doing and rush to my family's side. It's a looooong process to get to that. It sucks.

SO back to Marissa Mayer. Just cause she's a multitasking she-ra and can juggle Yahoo and being a mom, why discipline the rest of the company. I've always had the mentality of "why piss off your employees?? They are making the profit for the company." If her employees did an excellent job doing their work from home, why change it? How does it benefit you to have pissed off people on your hands? Whatever, obviously she knows what she's doing if she's the CEO of freaking Yahoo.

To read the story about Marissa Mayer:,0,5913345.story

Friday, February 22, 2013

Poisoning the Well

So if you're awesome and follow my facebook page, you'll see that I posted something about a kid getting his milk spiked with alcohol. It's not my kid and I still feel a slight rage about it. I just don't seem to understand it. A friend posted about another kid that brought alcohol to school and the dad was more interested in the bottle then worrying about the kid. What the f is going on?!?

I drink...on occasion...ok right now... and I totally condone drinking to people over 21, but bringing it to school?? I don't want this to sound weird or anything but I would expect a high schooler to pull that shit (spiking of the milk...they would know those two liquids don't mix.) NOT elementary.

I mean, GL can't even open the fridge so I'm not too worried about that now. Even though he likes to attack cups, bottles, coffee mugs, pretty much anything that has something drinkable in. Just know that when he gets bigger and taller everything will be counted for.

Maybe I will be like my parents after all. Putting that damn sneaky line on bottles so they know. Yea I know usually you'd be able to see it, but my mom is the queen of hiding/sneaky/knowing. For example: we all have chores growing up right. Well, when I had to dust and vacuum the living room and did a half ass job. My mom ALWAYS knew. Like she would find that one picture frame that I forgot to pretend move or that one string she placed (on purpose) where I forgot to pretend to vacuum. Yes, my language and your reading isn't bad. I really did "pretend" or "imagined" to do such chores always hoping I'd never get caught, which I did and had to do regardless. I apparently never learned my lesson.

I will try my hardest to keep you safe, happy, and the awesomest boy ever. I'll definitely try not to be that parent that pushes every little kid over just cause they were mean to you or took your toy, or whatever the story is. This world is filled with bullshit and I'll teach you how to overcome whatever comes on your path. You'll be my little loving warrior. Cause if you're not we messed up your name! jk.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

The Idea Of Shaving During Winter

It's winter...if guys can have beards why can't we have our winter fur?? I work outside in the freezing cold, I need a little bit more heat to keep from getting frostbitten. Ok, so I do wear two pair of socks, but the awesome thing of not shaving is that it's almost like having another pair of pants on or at least thigh highs that don't make your thighs into mushroom tops. My body can make babies AND generate hair to keep me warm. UUUUH-mazing!

 Why would I take it away?? Oh, you say cause of my husband eh. Well, I have that one already figured out. I wear knee high socks and it's his favorite. Soooo, when we're feeling frisky, all I gotta do is keep those suckers on and he'll never find out the hairy monsters my legs have become. Win win!

The rare moments he does see a little leg skin, I do get the horrified gasp and laughter as he's calling me a gorilla. Nice eh. The times GL sees me lift my pant leg (ok my pj pants) he has a tendency to run up to me and pet my leg...he must think we got another cat. Damnit, maybe it is time to get the scissors out and at least do a trim.

I'm definitely not saying I'm an amazon woman. I do care about the people around me and shave my fur legs...but ONLY if I know I'll be wearing shorts, or on rare occasions skirts.

My husband and I recently had a conversation about the whole leg shaving ordeal. (it must be bad if we have an actual conversation about it) A female bartender was near by and just for the hell of it (to see what side she'd take) I asked her how often, during winter, does she shave her legs. Don't worry it's not weird asking, we know her. Her answer: ALL THE TIME. What the f?! Who has time to shave twice a day, let alone once!? Ok, so I was a little shocked cause even during summer I may go a day or two without shaving. Sometimes three and that means I better pull out some pants. She heard both sides of the discussion...ok just my side since she was just as shocked that I don't do what she does. After 2 mins of arguing my case, she finally saw the light. "Yea ok, if you work outside and -10 degree weather it's not bad if you don't shave your spider monkey legs" Alright so that was a little paraphrasing but same shit. After the questioning, I definitely felt her giving me weird looks. What, I'm no longer a woman, cause I'm not a fan of shaving??! Thanks b, no tip for you! (jk, about that last part)

March is ahead of us and it should start getting somewhat nice out...right...right?!!? I'm not looking forward to having to shave the legs. Honestly at the state they're in now, it'll be a two day event. One leg a day, cause otherwise I'll be in there all freaking day. Let's hope for warm weather soon, just so you don't have to read another amazing blog about not shaving.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

The weekend massacre edition

My mom (Lita) came down on Friday, which really means that GL forgot he even had parents. Mommy who?? This is the only time he will disown us. Nice, eh. Love you too, kid. It's defiantly nice to finally have a sitter. What's a word that's less then "rarity"?? Well whatever that word is, is how often the husband and I go out together and pretend we're childless. (Granted I did cave and showed pictures of the lil devil)

So to start the night out, we went to the movies to watch Mama. Yes I know, holy shit. Let's go see a horror movie about a psycho dad who abandons his kids, who get taken care of by a ghost. A lot of "awwws" came out my mouth. Like "aww, she broke her glasses" or "aww she's getting a hug from mama". The main one I remember is "awww hell...I'm going to mommyify if those damn kids don't shut the f up!" Being a pg-13 movie we had every talker, phone toting, little bastard between the ages of 13-15. FINALLY before I got to the hulk stage, security came in and kicked out a whole row of those gremlins. Now to really pay attention to the movie and enjoy my Bacardi and sprite.

As often as we don't go out, we had a hard time figuring out what to do next. Going home was not an option, so off to the local watering hole. For one beer to see what other ideas we could come up with. As we sat there chit chatting about, what else our son, some people we haven't seen in ages started showing up. Awesome. Things started looking up and soon one beer became...uuuhh...a lot. When outta no where it was last call. WHAT!!?? But we just got here!! ::sigh::

Again, thank god Lita was here, cause we haven't felt so insanely horrible in a long time. Body aches, headaches...and a little game of "where is my stuff". Not from me but the husband. After a night of drinking like we're 21, all I want to do is eat my weight in food. I don't care what it is...tamales, rice, cookies, chips, spicy chicken, whatever I can get my hands on and not have to share. So I had to hide in the kitchen a few times, cause someone has a fifth sense when it comes to cookies. Of course, our little GL is an angel when we're feeling like complete shit. Which is always a plus. I think I got my ass off the couch to either get food or more water. Not much else since my body was trying to replace all the alcohol with water, so it decided there was no need to take potty breaks.

Onto today. I'm an unfortunate soul that has to work on Sundays. I've pondered the idea of telling my job that I can't work Sundays cause I'm a hardcore catholic and the bible says it's a day for rest and other shenanigans. BUT since I work for the devil, that excuse wouldn't work. (Honestly, between you and me, I have said it to them...I've also said I can't work when it's raining out cause brown sugar melts. Just a fyi: those excuses don't work.)

Lita is now relaxing after a whole weekend of playing with GL. Grandmas totally rock! GL has finally re-owned us and we're the coolest freaking parents ever....soooo it's time to get back to our regularly scheduled show....let this week go lightning fast.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Watch out for the fat lil guy tomorrow!

 Honestly I've never been much of a Valentine's day kinda gal. Ask my husband...almost forgot last year! (my excuse is that GL was sick for the first time and time just lapsed) This pretty much goes for every holiday really. Except Halloween...where I go all sorts of crazy over. I think holiday merchandise has gone down in appeal. GL and I went to 2-3 different stores just looking for a freaking card! Feels like card makers have gone down and just plainly don't give a damn. Don't blame em. I wouldn't be all too excited about a chubby midget guy who is shooting arrows at people. Where's the self defense?!? Regardless, I can honestly say I can't wait till GL is finally old enough to make his own cards. Not just the regular scribble but ones that actually mean something cause he would REALLY think about who it's for. Annnnd it means all I gotta do is give him crayons/markers and paper. Not spend 3.99 on a card that you would hope the person receiving it would like.
All in all, now that I am married to a wonderful guy that puts up with my crap, this one is for him:

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Here it goes...My first rodeo

After reading sooo many amazing, hilarious and inspiring mommy blogs, I decided to start one up. Why not. I have experience.
First off, I have a beautiful 2 year old, Gunnar Lee (remember his name for you will be reading much about this handsome devil) and an awesome rock star husband, Matt. We've been married for almost 3 years and have been together for almost 5...eternity! Included in the family are 3 furfaces, Baby, Stitch, and Skully....which at times seem worse then the 2 year old. Work full time that let's me have adult conversations...telling someone I have to go peepee or go to the potty is considered adult right??

Off we go onto the races.....