Dear Daddy-O

Dear Daddy-O,

 I don't even know how to start this, but here we go.

I miss you.

I miss your bear hugs.

I miss your intelligence.

I miss your being.

Your light has been gone for 7 years. But I can't stop thinking of you. I hope you're with us....with me. Cause I need you the most...ok I lie. My mom and WE need you. Miss you. Love you. Remember the last everything.

I've been thinking more and more of you cause I hear your song "Cool Change."

I named my child after you. I hope you're ecstatic up in heaven. (He definitely has a love for peas and eating one at a time...just like you) I can only imagine how you would be right this moment...

I miss you...a whole fucking lot. I could only imagine how you would swoop Gunnar up in your arms. How excited you would be when we made a playdate.

Daddy-O, I can only dream of you. I hope you know how wonderful you were/are. Cause without you...I wouldn't know where the water from the mountain came from. I wouldn't be the awesomeness I am without you and my mom by my side.

Regardless...I really wish you were still with us. My heart aches thinking how excited you would be for my son. He would be YOUR baby.

I can only hope that you are just proud of me. Yes, I have the strongest mom in the world, but you were the missing link to the soul. You're not my step dad, but the dad that let me choke him out at 7 years old.

I could really use your advice right about now. I could really use you BEING here.

This letter is my "prayer" to you so the whole world can see how amazing, awesome, fantastic, and every verb word I can think of you are.

I can't believe it's been 7 freaking years.

You will forever and ever be in our hearts.

Daddy-O, Mom, Me, And Cousin Ana

Love you, Daddy-O.

Your daughter

Growing up is for suckers.

We are embarking on a new journey of adulthood....home ownership. Ok, looking.

Someone, I work with reimplanted the idea of having a HOUSE. Whoa. Started looking and found what I thought was THE house. It was beautiful. And cheap too.

Just a slight fyi....I have no idea what happens when it comes to getting a house. I thought just get a loan, get the house, wham bam thank you ma'am.

Ugh, today was reality day of what really goes into getting a place. So sad after hearing all the info and not understanding what the internutter pages were saying to me.

Perfect house+no money= one sad mofo.

So ok, I've researched (If I did this much research in high school instead of my late 20's, I may have been a way better student) and scrolled through a lot of shit. So much info that I literally felt my brain melting.

This is my rant of letting go of what I thought was a perfect house. My tantrum so to speak.

Let me be honest here. I slightly feel like I gave up...but I didn't. I gave up on a house I just found yesterday, got my hopes up for (my own fault) and fell. Fell cause of me. Read the fyi. Learned a lot today of what goes into getting ownership.

New/old goal: GET MONEY! Ha. Save up every lil penny I can find/have.

I will get another dream house...I will achieve this damn goal. I will have a private backyard I can throw GL in so I can sit and sip (who am I kidding, Gulp) a margarita on my porch. I don't think that's too hard to ask...right!!!