Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Your kid is NOT a monkey!

The husband and I were talking about the shit people have said to us while in public with our son.

We have had good experiences with shit coming outta people's mouths. Unfortunately there was 2 times that made me want to punch a person in the face.

Experience 1:
Checking out and the cashier is saying hi to Gunnar. I tell him "say hi", (our son is not too shy and is VERY talkative). Damn cashier goes..."don't talk to him like that, he's not a trained monkey".

What!?! Well, excuse you lady for trying to brighten your day. Next time I'll "train" my kid to piss on your register. Seriously, I was just being nice. I could of just told my son to tell her to f off and start yelling STRANGER DANGER!

My husband was dying with laughter and with an oh shit look. He knows me too well and knows I said something. I did. Told her pretty much just that. "oh my bad, apparently my son doesn't like you enough to say hi" (good thing is that she was done checking me out). Ugh, it's getting me worked up just thinking about it.

Experience 2:
Two ladies walking in after us. One goes "OH MY GAWD he's sooo cute! How old is he??" Me: "He's 2"
 Lady: "Oh my gawd, you must have the devil on your hands!!"
 Me: "uhh no, he's actually very good. No trace of terrible twos in his lil body".
 Lady: "Ugh, you don't know what you're talking about."

Oh ok thanks lady. Cause you're with him all the goddamn time right!?

I do hate when older people tell me how to raise my son or how he should be. My kid is a freaking angel according to how they think.

Yea I have a moment when someone just had a baby and I said something stoopid like "oh my gawd, watch out, survive the first year and you're golden. Unfortunately they grow way to fast like weeds." I'm sure that person has heard it a MILLION times, the same way I did, but it's still fun to say it or just remember that time.

I just remembered. Walmart is evil! (minus the obvious facts) I call them drive bys aka some lady walks by and pinches/touches GL and walks away! What the fuck just happened?! It ONLY happens at walmart! Is there a code that you can do that, that I don't know about?? It's so bad that I have no chance for a reaction time. It's one of those "did that really happen?" moments.

So those are my bad moments that I can remember. I'm sure there are lots to come when Gunnar is able to talk clearly. Ohhh man, that should be fun.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Troubles with accepting the current.

Fuck, little man is at the stage that he wants his own real bed. Fuck the crib, mom and dad have a real bed why not me!

Great way to start eh.

Here's how it is. Lil man has been pretending to sleep on our bed. (co-dependent sleeping?? I WISH I knew what that was!) He jumps, he plays, he'll MAYBE lay down a couple seconds to let me cuddle.

I let my boy do the ultimate move that made me cry. (ok just get teary eyed..I think it's cause I got cat hair in my contact) And unfortunately it was my own doing.

Changing tables from the get go seem overrated. I've changed my kid from the floor BUT on the changing pad that's supposed to go on the table.

That pad is still there...who doesn't like their ass getting clean from a cushioned cloud??

Anyways, tonight...he cuddled up like usual (I'm in TOTAL denial about this) on the pad. Ok fine, as my heart breaks and realize whats going on....I put his blanket on him.


What the fuck?! Noooo!!! Where are my "I wuvs you" "mi muchachito lindo" "mi Corazon!" Where's are nightly high 5's that we do. Or the shark theme that makes him giggle!?

My husband started talking about making a bed frame. WHAT?! I need, no it's a want, for my lil boy to stay just that...Little.

Parenting is hard shit to do. Really it is. It's smiles and tears. I'm just not ready to let go of the innocence. I want my boy to be just that...MINE. I want him to still give me a death grip hug, I want him to NEED me.

I'm being a sap. Thank mother nature and hurting my ovaries for this rant. I'm such a sad little asshole cause of pms.

I've been staring at my son and thinking..."goddamnit, you're getting big" and how can I stop evolution.

There's no solution. Cause this is a lil human that will evolve and be the greatest thing I have ever made.

Thank you for reading my look at your child/children and hope karma ain't a bitch!

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

The Curse of the Swear Jar

We are people that swear...a lot. Now having a lil one, we have to watch what we say. Otherwise godforbid the repeater game comes into play.

First time GL swore was during the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse phase. Donald was being naughty and outta no where I hear:

GL: Shit Donald!

Whaaaat?! What did you just say?!

GL: Shit Donald. Donald bad.

Ok, that was the only time I have laughed out loud over that. Now that he's 2 1/2, it's even worse.

Can't find the car he's looking for:

Shit, shit, shit!

Oh boy.

I swear like a truck driver and the husband isn't too far behind. (let's say sailor) Since realizing GL does listen to us after all, I have started watching what I say. Can you imagine a preschooler getting suspended for telling the teacher to fuck off!? I don't want that to be my kid!

The husband hasn't quite figured out how to censor himself, so I went for the usual idea: Swear Jar.

Our swear jar will only be for pennies. Why, cause those are the easiest to find and we need quarters for the daunting laundry chores. (any other silver goes for GL's future college fund.)

I've been thinking of different ways to make so called swear jar, so the husband doesn't dig in. (Just in case silver does happen to get in there, he's a change thief)

I think a normal glass jar is too easy to tap into.

Possibly better: a cardboard way of getting into it without getting caught. I still think the husband would figure out a way to get into it. Unsuspected.

OR maybe something with glitter cause then we'd REALLY know when someones tampering with it. Yea ok, I've already crossed that off the list. We don't want to look like a family that was in a strippers dressing room.

SOOOOO, I thought about a coffee can and hot gluing the top to it. No way out. Right?! Wrong! In a million years, when the future is digging for 2013 artifacts, they'll come across our coffee jar. Unopened. Probably think we were too stoopid to open it. Maybe we didn't have thumbs.

I know there are some bright people out there with some incredible ideas. Let me pick your brain for the ultimate swear jar! Give me some ideas!