Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Troubles with accepting the current.

Fuck, little man is at the stage that he wants his own real bed. Fuck the crib, mom and dad have a real bed why not me!

Great way to start eh.

Here's how it is. Lil man has been pretending to sleep on our bed. (co-dependent sleeping?? I WISH I knew what that was!) He jumps, he plays, he'll MAYBE lay down a couple seconds to let me cuddle.

I let my boy do the ultimate move that made me cry. (ok just get teary eyed..I think it's cause I got cat hair in my contact) And unfortunately it was my own doing.

Changing tables from the get go seem overrated. I've changed my kid from the floor BUT on the changing pad that's supposed to go on the table.

That pad is still there...who doesn't like their ass getting clean from a cushioned cloud??

Anyways, tonight...he cuddled up like usual (I'm in TOTAL denial about this) on the pad. Ok fine, as my heart breaks and realize whats going on....I put his blanket on him.


What the fuck?! Noooo!!! Where are my "I wuvs you" "mi muchachito lindo" "mi Corazon!" Where's are nightly high 5's that we do. Or the shark theme that makes him giggle!?

My husband started talking about making a bed frame. WHAT?! I need, no it's a want, for my lil boy to stay just that...Little.

Parenting is hard shit to do. Really it is. It's smiles and tears. I'm just not ready to let go of the innocence. I want my boy to be just that...MINE. I want him to still give me a death grip hug, I want him to NEED me.

I'm being a sap. Thank mother nature and hurting my ovaries for this rant. I'm such a sad little asshole cause of pms.

I've been staring at my son and thinking..."goddamnit, you're getting big" and how can I stop evolution.

There's no solution. Cause this is a lil human that will evolve and be the greatest thing I have ever made.

Thank you for reading my look at your child/children and hope karma ain't a bitch!

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