Thursday, June 27, 2013

A story about...Swamp Ass (a lot of ass up in here!)

My Swamp Ass experience started 2 years ago in a company that stated that ac in the trucks was a "luxury." Assholes.

Great. Soooo that's where I've been introduced of the awesome word and able to experience it first hand.

Alright so here we go. The funny part. Research:


A common condition in which the ass crack and crotch becomes overly moist, sweaty, and stinky from one or all of the following:
- sweating on a hot day
- not bathing enough
- long day of work, sports, play
- incomplete wipe due to rush or laziness

The crack will often feel squishy, wet, unpleasant, and itchy. It is recommended to take a bath with soap to sanitize the condition.
An unfortunate condition in which the taint (the often hair-bespeckled, flrshy space between balls and ass) is wallowing in the depths of a vile, festering, putrid poo swamp. A generally uncomfortable, unwipable ass. The only cure is gold bond.
Example: Jesus Christ, I hope Janice doesn't notice the permeating stench of my swamp ass while she's sucking on my balls!
(Sorry had to show number 2...cause really?? I'm still laughing about the horridness!)
when your ass gets so sweaty, there is so much sweat it gets a little soapy, and your ass is drenched in sweat and your ass cheeks might even be pruned
Example: you could be sitting at a baseball game, just chillin with your friends, its a little humid you notice, suddenly you have to go to the bathroom, you stand up and your friends, family, girlfriend or boyfriend sees that your ass has two wet spots near the crack, one might say you have swamp ass or just imply that they are scared an alligator from your assmarsh might attack them
So there are a couple that made me laugh. Remember Assmarsh...fuckin genius!
Anyways, supposedly the word comes from gamers. Go figure.
Ok, back to the trucks and our awesome polyster uniforms. Imagine a the oven when youre taking something outta it. Got it? Ok, now imagine NO air circulation. Good...welcome to my hell on wheels.
Uniforms are the same shit. It's like the the shirts are made to keep in the heat and sweat. I'm getting hot and bothered thinking of this. Bothered that I'm writing about work!
The one thing I am happy for is that we wear black pants otherwise we'd be looking like this all the time:

So nasty.
Makes you wanna eat eh!
Ugh, no flies for us!! I can only imagine some of the people I work with.
I have daily summer swamp ass, swamp boob (gotta love that trickle going down), riverleg. Freaking gross. Almost feel bad for the people we deal with.
I asked on my Facebook for people to have other creative names for swamp ass, here's what I got (thank you ladies!!!)
Sluice ass
bog butt or bog boob
sludgy-we've kinda made it grossier and better...with chunks.
landfill crack
sewer ass
Start using them, then we'll reunite and see who made a new trendy word!

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