Things I wish someone told me about....

Let's start out with...babies! As a person that never was really around babies...until my own came around, there was a lot of crap that people don't talk about.

Let the listing begin!

From birth, no one said anything to me about black shit. Literally.
A lot of birthing no one really told me about. No, I didn't go to any birthing classes or anything like that. Yea, I researched a LOT of stuff, but I must of forgotten step 1. Birth. I was freaking out so bad with the whole idea of just having a baby, that my mom caught a pic of me looking at GL that pretty much captures the uncertainty and nervousness of a new mommy. Awesomest and scariest day of my life.

So, obviously we had a boy. Best rule I learned...peepee goes down when changing diapers. Not as many clothes pissing. Also the mad ninja dodging skills you acquire at this point. So what if he pees and a lil bit goes on his face. Or in his mouth. Or your face. (Just don't blog about it. ha) Worst thing I learned....they get boners. If I've ever had a gross moment, that was it. I had NO idea that shit could even happen at that age! Seriously, put that sucker down sweet 2 month old baby. I definitely wished someone would have told me about that fact, so I didn't have to feel like a lil school girl giggling about something embarassing when trying to ask other moms about it.

The whole head thing was a different story. Wait, so you're telling me there's an open part of his skull?!? DID YOU BREAK MY BABY!!!?? I got calmed down enough to hear the reasoning over this. (Personally, I still think the nurse who was tossing my kid like a rag doll right after he popped out did it.) Then, of course, they tell you about tummy time and such cause you don't want to let him get a misshaped head. The term "helmet" became a plague in this house. It scared us soooo bad, you'd think we were getting sent to the deep depths of hell. Again, to calm ourselves we would joke about how and what kind of stickers we would put on his helmet. We were preparing for the worst.

Punk rock baby helmet...Spikes and stickers! Minus the face shield, of course.

Then comes time for purees. I was so gongho about this adventure, that I still have a couple books collecting dust in the back of the closet...just in case. My obsession at that time was the damn baby bullet...it was the coolest shit EVER. I got talked outta it so I dragged myself to get regular blender. Rule I learned about purees...you don't HAVE to taste the veggies. Blah, some of the colors or mixes I did made me gag. How a kid thinks it's delicious is beyond me. Fruit on the other hand...awesome.

Seriously...Baby Einstein. You've all heard or done the classical music routine when they're in the womb. GL listened to good old punk rock and LOVED it. How I know...he was having his own personal mosh pit in ma belly. When he was born I figured why not, let's pop in one of these bad boys and see what B.E. is all about. Snoooore fest. For me, not GL. How kids get so hyptonized over it is beyond me. I can dangle a windchime, put a couple flashlights on it, and twirl away. Why don't I have millions like them?! OR the sock puppet episode. REALLY!?? Are you kidding me?! I can do that shit (and we currently did, GL thought it was the funniest shit ever. Why am I spending money on toys??)

And to end all this awesomeness, the one thing I wish someone told me....the boobs don't stay!! I had such an awesome time just having boobs...ok cleavage, that I wished they stayed. I actually considered getting implants that's whole cool I thought it was. No padding needed! My jugs felt how Dolly Parton's look. Amazing! Now everything is droopier and constant reminder I'm not young anymore.

Any other "things you wish someone told you" when your baby came into your life?! I'm sure there's billions out there! Come on down and share em!