Dear Daddy-O

Dear Daddy-O,

 I don't even know how to start this, but here we go.

I miss you.

I miss your bear hugs.

I miss your intelligence.

I miss your being.

Your light has been gone for 7 years. But I can't stop thinking of you. I hope you're with us....with me. Cause I need you the most...ok I lie. My mom and WE need you. Miss you. Love you. Remember the last everything.

I've been thinking more and more of you cause I hear your song "Cool Change."

I named my child after you. I hope you're ecstatic up in heaven. (He definitely has a love for peas and eating one at a time...just like you) I can only imagine how you would be right this moment...

I miss you...a whole fucking lot. I could only imagine how you would swoop Gunnar up in your arms. How excited you would be when we made a playdate.

Daddy-O, I can only dream of you. I hope you know how wonderful you were/are. Cause without you...I wouldn't know where the water from the mountain came from. I wouldn't be the awesomeness I am without you and my mom by my side.

Regardless...I really wish you were still with us. My heart aches thinking how excited you would be for my son. He would be YOUR baby.

I can only hope that you are just proud of me. Yes, I have the strongest mom in the world, but you were the missing link to the soul. You're not my step dad, but the dad that let me choke him out at 7 years old.

I could really use your advice right about now. I could really use you BEING here.

This letter is my "prayer" to you so the whole world can see how amazing, awesome, fantastic, and every verb word I can think of you are.

I can't believe it's been 7 freaking years.

You will forever and ever be in our hearts.

Daddy-O, Mom, Me, And Cousin Ana

Love you, Daddy-O.

Your daughter

Growing up is for suckers.

We are embarking on a new journey of adulthood....home ownership. Ok, looking.

Someone, I work with reimplanted the idea of having a HOUSE. Whoa. Started looking and found what I thought was THE house. It was beautiful. And cheap too.

Just a slight fyi....I have no idea what happens when it comes to getting a house. I thought just get a loan, get the house, wham bam thank you ma'am.

Ugh, today was reality day of what really goes into getting a place. So sad after hearing all the info and not understanding what the internutter pages were saying to me.

Perfect house+no money= one sad mofo.

So ok, I've researched (If I did this much research in high school instead of my late 20's, I may have been a way better student) and scrolled through a lot of shit. So much info that I literally felt my brain melting.

This is my rant of letting go of what I thought was a perfect house. My tantrum so to speak.

Let me be honest here. I slightly feel like I gave up...but I didn't. I gave up on a house I just found yesterday, got my hopes up for (my own fault) and fell. Fell cause of me. Read the fyi. Learned a lot today of what goes into getting ownership.

New/old goal: GET MONEY! Ha. Save up every lil penny I can find/have.

I will get another dream house...I will achieve this damn goal. I will have a private backyard I can throw GL in so I can sit and sip (who am I kidding, Gulp) a margarita on my porch. I don't think that's too hard to ask...right!!!

Your kid is NOT a monkey!

The husband and I were talking about the shit people have said to us while in public with our son.

We have had good experiences with shit coming outta people's mouths. Unfortunately there was 2 times that made me want to punch a person in the face.

Experience 1:
Checking out and the cashier is saying hi to Gunnar. I tell him "say hi", (our son is not too shy and is VERY talkative). Damn cashier goes..."don't talk to him like that, he's not a trained monkey".

What!?! Well, excuse you lady for trying to brighten your day. Next time I'll "train" my kid to piss on your register. Seriously, I was just being nice. I could of just told my son to tell her to f off and start yelling STRANGER DANGER!

My husband was dying with laughter and with an oh shit look. He knows me too well and knows I said something. I did. Told her pretty much just that. "oh my bad, apparently my son doesn't like you enough to say hi" (good thing is that she was done checking me out). Ugh, it's getting me worked up just thinking about it.

Experience 2:
Two ladies walking in after us. One goes "OH MY GAWD he's sooo cute! How old is he??" Me: "He's 2"
 Lady: "Oh my gawd, you must have the devil on your hands!!"
 Me: "uhh no, he's actually very good. No trace of terrible twos in his lil body".
 Lady: "Ugh, you don't know what you're talking about."

Oh ok thanks lady. Cause you're with him all the goddamn time right!?

I do hate when older people tell me how to raise my son or how he should be. My kid is a freaking angel according to how they think.

Yea I have a moment when someone just had a baby and I said something stoopid like "oh my gawd, watch out, survive the first year and you're golden. Unfortunately they grow way to fast like weeds." I'm sure that person has heard it a MILLION times, the same way I did, but it's still fun to say it or just remember that time.

I just remembered. Walmart is evil! (minus the obvious facts) I call them drive bys aka some lady walks by and pinches/touches GL and walks away! What the fuck just happened?! It ONLY happens at walmart! Is there a code that you can do that, that I don't know about?? It's so bad that I have no chance for a reaction time. It's one of those "did that really happen?" moments.

So those are my bad moments that I can remember. I'm sure there are lots to come when Gunnar is able to talk clearly. Ohhh man, that should be fun.

Troubles with accepting the current.

Fuck, little man is at the stage that he wants his own bed...like real bed. Fuck the crib, mom and dad have a real bed why not me!

Great way to start eh.

Here's how it is. Lil man has been pretending to sleep on our bed. (co-dependent sleeping?? I WISH I knew what that was!) He jumps, he plays, he'll MAYBE lay down a couple seconds to let me cuddle.

I let my boy do the ultimate move that made me cry. (ok just get teary eyed..I think it's cause I got cat hair in my contact) And unfortunately it was my own doing.

Changing tables from the get go seem overrated. I've changed my kid from the floor BUT on the changing pad that's supposed to go on the table.

That pad is still there...who doesn't like their ass getting clean from a cushioned cloud??

Anyways, tonight...he cuddled up like usual (I'm in TOTAL denial about this) on the pad. Ok fine, as my heart breaks and realize whats going on....I put his blanket on him.

HE GOES FAST ASLEEP!!

What the fuck?! Noooo!!! Where are my "I wuvs you" "mi muchachito lindo" "mi Corazon!" Where's are nightly high 5's that we do. Or the shark theme that makes him giggle!?

My husband started talking about making a bed frame. WHAT?! I need, no it's a want, for my lil boy to stay just that...Little.

Parenting is hard shit to do. Really it is. It's smiles and tears. I'm just not ready to let go of the innocence. I want my boy to be just that...MINE. I want him to still give me a death grip hug, I want him to NEED me.

I'm being a sap. Thank mother nature and hurting my ovaries for this rant. I'm such a sad little asshole cause of pms.

I've been staring at my son and thinking..."goddamnit, you're getting big" and how can I stop evolution.

There's no solution. Cause this is a lil human that will evolve and be the greatest thing I have ever made.

Thank you for reading my rant...now look at your child/children and hope karma ain't a bitch!

The Curse of the Swear Jar

We are people that swear...a lot. Now having a lil one, we have to watch what we say. Otherwise godforbid the repeater game comes into play.

First time GL swore was during the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse phase. Donald was being naughty and outta no where I hear:

GL: Shit Donald!

Whaaaat?! What did you just say?!

GL: Shit Donald. Donald bad.

Ok, that was the only time I have laughed out loud over that. Now that he's 2 1/2, it's even worse.

Can't find the car he's looking for:

Shit, shit, shit!

Oh boy.

I swear like a truck driver and the husband isn't too far behind. (let's say sailor) Since realizing GL does listen to us after all, I have started watching what I say. Can you imagine a preschooler getting suspended for telling the teacher to fuck off!? I don't want that to be my kid!

The husband hasn't quite figured out how to censor himself, so I went for the usual idea: Swear Jar.

Our swear jar will only be for pennies. Why, cause those are the easiest to find and we need quarters for the daunting laundry chores. (any other silver goes for GL's future college fund.)

I've been thinking of different ways to make so called swear jar, so the husband doesn't dig in. (Just in case silver does happen to get in there, he's a change thief)

I think a normal glass jar is too easy to tap into.

Possibly better: a cardboard box...no way of getting into it without getting caught. I still think the husband would figure out a way to get into it. Unsuspected.

OR maybe something with glitter cause then we'd REALLY know when someones tampering with it. Yea ok, I've already crossed that off the list. We don't want to look like a family that was in a strippers dressing room.

SOOOOO, I thought about a coffee can and hot gluing the top to it. No way out. Right?! Wrong! In a million years, when the future is digging for 2013 artifacts, they'll come across our coffee jar. Unopened. Probably think we were too stoopid to open it. Maybe we didn't have thumbs.

I know there are some bright people out there with some incredible ideas. Let me pick your brain for the ultimate swear jar! Give me some ideas!

Wanna know about my flower??

So this is an oversharing post....for me. It may not sound totally "like what the fuck was she thinking!?" kinda thing. As a mom, this is it. (cause I swear my husband hunts me about it)

So, if you're reading this you OBVIOSULY wanna know about my flower....Let's start in the beginning.....

It was a fine day to go get a preggo checkup...day Oct 27th 2010. Get in and throw my legs up for my awesome gyno. I gotta say it was and will only be the only time I feel comfortable showing another female my vajayjay.

Dr: "oh shit, you're 5 cm!! How have not felt anything yet?!"

Apparently I've been having contractions for a week without really knowing it. High pain tolerance she says. Our due date was Nov 16...bit early you think...nahhh my son wanted to be a Halloween baby!

She tells us to go straight to the hospital. We don't. I was feeling fine. AND my preggo bag wasn't packed yet. Told our families about it, got things packed (which in this instance didn't know what to pack) and headed off to the hospital. Whheeerre, we stopped and got Wendy's cause I was starving.

My mom must of knew. She's 2 hours away and HER preggo bag was already sitting pretty in her car.

So we're gonna fast forward a little bit, cause pretty much it was a lot of waiting. Noon till 8pm just chilling.

Our son pops out at 10:36pm. (Dr didn't show till later on, but whole story short...half hr pushing)

My mom is obviously (being a new Lita) over joyed at this point. She was there when everything went down.

Now onto my flower....

With my mom being there, she told the family (BIG family in central America) about how she was there and how beautiful mother nature is.

To the point she started calling my "birth channel" a freaking flower!!

She unfortunately told me how awesome it was to be seeing my hooha and how it was like a flower, fast motion camera, blooming.

Yuck...I;m getting chills just thinking about it.

This new Lita went as far as telling anyone that would listen in the hospital about her daughter's "FLOWER".....I had to yell at her to stop talking to people! And about my so called flower!!

Next step into this adventure...she told my father in law and bro in law about my flower. Whoa. Certain people don't need to know how my "flower" looks like. (hey I forgot to trim a lil! I couldn't see it so that's my excuse)

My mom was telling all that would listen about my flower....It grew soooo big and instead of good ole pollen center, you saw a babies head!

I actually did get upset and tell her to stop telling everyone about my flower.

No one wants to know about that....until now.

Things I wish someone told me about....

Let's start out with...babies! As a person that never was really around babies...until my own came around, there was a lot of crap that people don't talk about.

Let the listing begin!

From birth, no one said anything to me about black shit. Literally.
A lot of birthing no one really told me about. No, I didn't go to any birthing classes or anything like that. Yea, I researched a LOT of stuff, but I must of forgotten step 1. Birth. I was freaking out so bad with the whole idea of just having a baby, that my mom caught a pic of me looking at GL that pretty much captures the uncertainty and nervousness of a new mommy. Awesomest and scariest day of my life.

So, obviously we had a boy. Best rule I learned...peepee goes down when changing diapers. Not as many clothes pissing. Also the mad ninja dodging skills you acquire at this point. So what if he pees and a lil bit goes on his face. Or in his mouth. Or your face. (Just don't blog about it. ha) Worst thing I learned....they get boners. If I've ever had a gross moment, that was it. I had NO idea that shit could even happen at that age! Seriously, put that sucker down sweet 2 month old baby. I definitely wished someone would have told me about that fact, so I didn't have to feel like a lil school girl giggling about something embarassing when trying to ask other moms about it.

The whole head thing was a different story. Wait, so you're telling me there's an open part of his skull?!? DID YOU BREAK MY BABY!!!?? I got calmed down enough to hear the reasoning over this. (Personally, I still think the nurse who was tossing my kid like a rag doll right after he popped out did it.) Then, of course, they tell you about tummy time and such cause you don't want to let him get a misshaped head. The term "helmet" became a plague in this house. It scared us soooo bad, you'd think we were getting sent to the deep depths of hell. Again, to calm ourselves we would joke about how and what kind of stickers we would put on his helmet. We were preparing for the worst.

Punk rock baby helmet...Spikes and stickers! Minus the face shield, of course.

Then comes time for purees. I was so gongho about this adventure, that I still have a couple books collecting dust in the back of the closet...just in case. My obsession at that time was the damn baby bullet...it was the coolest shit EVER. I got talked outta it so I dragged myself to get regular blender. Rule I learned about purees...you don't HAVE to taste the veggies. Blah, some of the colors or mixes I did made me gag. How a kid thinks it's delicious is beyond me. Fruit on the other hand...awesome.

Seriously...Baby Einstein. You've all heard or done the classical music routine when they're in the womb. GL listened to good old punk rock and LOVED it. How I know...he was having his own personal mosh pit in ma belly. When he was born I figured why not, let's pop in one of these bad boys and see what B.E. is all about. Snoooore fest. For me, not GL. How kids get so hyptonized over it is beyond me. I can dangle a windchime, put a couple flashlights on it, and twirl away. Why don't I have millions like them?! OR the sock puppet episode. REALLY!?? Are you kidding me?! I can do that shit (and we currently did, GL thought it was the funniest shit ever. Why am I spending money on toys??)

And to end all this awesomeness, the one thing I wish someone told me....the boobs don't stay!! I had such an awesome time just having boobs...ok cleavage, that I wished they stayed. I actually considered getting implants that's whole cool I thought it was. No padding needed! My jugs felt how Dolly Parton's look. Amazing! Now everything is droopier and constant reminder I'm not young anymore.

Any other "things you wish someone told you" when your baby came into your life?! I'm sure there's billions out there! Come on down and share em!